Great Parenting Advice From A Guy Who’s Clearly Done it Well

             Parenting advice from a single guy with no kids?  Have you already clicked away?  Rest assured, the advice isn’t coming from me.  I traveled to Florida over the Memorial Day Weekend for the wedding of one of my good friends from college Jeremy Plexico.  I can say with the utmost confidence that Plex is in the top 1% of truly great people in the world.  Although I did not know his bride-to-be very well, all scouting reports from Plex and many others were that she is in the same category.  Among other things, this meant there would be some special people in a controlled environment for a period of four fun hours.  There were athletes, performers, long-time family men and women, authors, successful business people, and much more.  As someone who enjoys meeting different people and getting great advice from those who have done things well, the wedding was an opportunity to do both. 

One of the greatest of interactions took place in an unlikely setting: the men’s room.  Later in the evening, I was in there when the father of the bride came in.  I told him how great a time the wedding was and how everything was awesome.  There were so many happy people there, and the bride’s family included quite a few.  Clearly, there was a special bond present between father and daughters (bride’s sister too).  Among the many pieces of evidence of this was a fantastic father/daughter dance to “Uptown Funk” with clear choreography involved.  Having hopes of one day having a family of my own, I took the opportunity to ask him what piece of advice he had for having such a great bond with his children.  The bride’s father turned to me and said, “Give them your time.  Don’t get so caught up in doing this or that.  Just be there for them.  That is what matters.”  Wow.  Great stuff on so many levels, and sage advice for so many areas of life.  

In the world of youth sports today there are clearly a number of issues.  Much of the problems, in my opinion,  stem from misguided intentions of parents wanting what is best for kids.  Wanting what is best has turned into having the latest bat or a special pitching instructor when a kid is 8.  A simple reminder to just be there for the kids is something I think could help tremendously.  Just be there for them today parents.  That is what they want and need.

Three Options For Role Acceptance

        Know your role.  As coaches, we all talk about it.  "You don't have to like your role, but you do need to accept it," is a quote most players have heard by the time they are a part of a high school team.  The spread of "travel ball" has made this a greater challenge because many players haven't had to accept their roles at an earlier age.  If a player doesn't like his role, then dad just makes his own new travel team to ensure the player does.  The concept behind acceptance of a role plays like this.  You have put in whatever amount of work you have put in during the offseason, you've had the opportunity to compete in practice, preseason scrimmages and intrasquads, and now you have some sort of role within the team from the coach's perspective.  Your situation is what it is.  Accepting or denying the role are the two options often presented.  I'd like to add a third option:  Embrace your role.

        Let's go through the three options.  The first is to deny your role within the team.  This could include quitting but more often results in pouting about it.  Very few athletes strive to "not play," but I think it helps to think about the situation rationally.  If you are not playing, there is probably a reason for it.  The reason is likely that the guy who is playing instead is better.  You can either "get bitter or get better."  Something I think helps minimize the situations where a player is shocked about not playing is for coaches to meet with players and explain the current role for the player.  Sometimes we assume that what we see as obvious from a coach's perspective is just as obvious to players.  We all know the saying about assumptions.  The guy who doesn't accept his role within a team can be a major problem if teammates and coaches allow him to be.

        A second option is the acceptance of a role.  This involves understanding why you are in the situation you are in.  Accepting you are a possible pinch-hitter off the bench means not pouting when you see the lineup and staying ready to hit.  You're not going to quit.  You're not going to pout, but you probably are not as engaged in the game as you could be if you are an acceptance guy.  You don't like it, but you accept it.  On the other end of the spectrum, accepting you are the best player on the team brings with it expectations of its own.  This could mean understanding when you hit with a runner in scoring position and a base open that you are probably not going to get much to it.

        The third, and final level, is EMBRACING your role.  For me, this goes well beyond accepting the role is what it is.  Someone who embraces their role as a pinch-runner is constantly watching the opposing pitcher to see if he can pick something up that would help his team out.  A bench guy who embraces his role keeps the chart without having to be asked over and over to do so.  He's working to pick up signs.  Embracing your role as a hitter, if you are a bottom of the order type, might mean having more at-bats where you are giving yourself up for the team to move a runner or get one in. The superstar player who embraces his role craves the big situation and the feeling of putting the team on his back.  He is what people are talking about when they discuss the difference between a #2 starter and the ACE.  Accepting a role means you will do it without causing a problem.  Embracing a role means you are going to compete to the best at whatever it may be.

        This is the time of the year where in college baseball we see the different levels of acceptance play out before our eyes.  It's also happening in the NBA Playoffs and in Major League clubhouses across the country though.  The best teams have a team full of players who embrace their roles.  Be an embracer today!

        Want to share a story or give a shoutout to a player you know embraced his role this spring?  I would love to hear them.  Tweet them to me @Coach_Ehrlich or shoot me an email at ehrlichb1@gmail.com.

A Tribute to Mom

        It has been a while since I have written.  There are many reasons for not doing so.  A busy and adversity-driven baseball season, a long and grinding school year, and taking classes for my degree are among the many.  Now one is done, another is winding down, and a third is also in the home stretch.  With that, I decided today would be the perfect day to make a return to writing, and my mom would make a great topic.

        One of the topics I find myself drawn to in sport psychology is youth sports and the role that adults play in them.  As I worked on a research paper yesterday on the topic, I found myself thinking of my mom and my dad.  Their roles in the development of my love for baseball are something I probably have taken for granted a little bit and have yet to really reflect on completely.

        Adults play arguably the greatest role in what the sporting experience is like for kids.  It makes sense.  Although they have likely played around with older siblings and parents, youth coaches are the first to expose kids to organized sports.  Parents sit on edge as they find out whether their kids "are good" or not in those early years.  The really good ones focus on enjoyment, effort, and skill improvement over winning (despite pressures to win the 2015 Tony Scrubini Super NIT State Qualifier).  I am lucky to be able to look back at my youth and know that I had two great adult supporters in my mom and dad.  For this tribute, I have chosen to write about three of my greater memories of the role my mom played in my early baseball life and the hidden lessons in all three.

        Among what stands out about my early days in baseball were the car rides to practice with mom.  I played in a league that practiced about thirty minutes from where we lived so I was in the car with mom a couple of hours a week to and from practice.  For some reason, I can remember listening to sports talk radio with my mom.  She wasn't really a sports fan at all except for watching me play, but she liked to listen to sports talk radio.  Sometimes we would listen to music, and if I were in need of what was deemed an "attitude adjustment" this may mean classical music.  Maybe she was really just sensing my number getting too high and wanted to help calm me down before baseball.  Regardless, I am very appreciative for having a mom who was willing to spend hours every week shuttling me to and from baseball and my sisters to and from dance classes.  Thanks Mom!

        Another of my memories of mom and her role in my early baseball career is the traditional pregame meal.  I was always big on reading up about both the history of baseball and what modern players were doing.  I can't even imagine if I had internet access then.  My brain probably would have exploded for overload.  Well, somewhere along the way I read about Wade Boggs eating chicken before every game.  Around that time, I had eaten one of my favorites: Mom's grilled burgers.  I had a good game and of course it triggered in my head that the burgers were the reason why.  Before nearly every game I played for a span of at least two years my mom made me those burgers.  What I failed to realize then was the power of performance was not in the burgers.  The power was the comfort created by the routine made possible by a loving mom.  Thanks Mom!

        A third memory I have of my mom was her reaction to a horrible game.  I had a tendency to be JUST A LITTLE emotional about performance as a player, and there was no escaping the ride home after games (for my parents, that is).  When games were particularly bad, my mom would sum things up perfectly with, "Well...it was a game."  While it sometimes would make me even more upset at the time, at least externally, the simplicity of the words really could not have been more true.  "Well...it was a game," and there was not much else to say about it except it was over.  Sometimes we need to simply rid ourselves of a bad performance, not read too much into it, and move on.  Thanks Mom!

        Those are just three of the many memories of my mom's role in my baseball career.  To sum her role up in those three stories is probably an injustice, but I think the three say a lot about who she was and is in my life no matter how old I get.  Mom has been along for the ride to and from practice and to lend advice both welcomed and unwelcome.  She has always been there to support me however needed, and I probably took for granted the guarantee of a home-cooked meal on a nightly basis.  My mom has always been and continues to be a driving force in my life.  She has always balanced well the act of being supportive while being sobering when I need to get my head out of the clouds (or out of my rear end).  With that, I would like to wish her the Happiest of Mother's Days.  I love you and am grateful for all you have done for me.  Thanks Mom!

Ehrlich Family Christmas Est. 1994...Respect the bowl cut