There's a quote from Ray Dalio that goes, "If you don't look back on yourself and think, 'Wow how stupid I was a year ago,' then you must not have learned much in the last year." There's so much to like about the quote. For starters, I think the ego can often prevent us from developing as coaches and leaders. "If I subscribe to this new way, it means admitting I've been doing it wrong for all these years." Well, yes, and no. There is no "right" when it comes to personal mastery. There's only getting it as close to right as we can. That is a continual process. To change simply means you've found a way to evolve to a better "close to right." My measuring stick for a book involves being able to answer three questions affirmatively:
*Does it reinforce something I already do/think? I know I just mentioned ego, but it's nice to know smart people I just spent $20 on agree with some of what I believe and/or do. As an example, I can remember reading Harvey Dorfman's work when I was just getting started learning about the mental side of performance and feeling empowered when my thoughts aligned with this legend in the field.
*Does it give me something new? I want something to be excited about trying or taking in another direction. An example was after I read Creativity, Inc., we implemented The Braintrust idea with our girls soccer team. Without going into too much detail, it allowed for a lot more player voice in what we did.
*Does it make me question something I do/think? I want something that checks the ego. Make me ask if there's a different way I haven't considered. An example that comes to mind comes from Insight. Before reading, my favorite question was "why." Insight taught me "why" can actually lead us to getting stuck, at times, and a variation of "how" can be much more helpful in shaping action moving forward.
Anyway, I think my book questions can apply to our overall experience as learners and livers. So often, we tend to keep going on the hamster wheel of the process, with our eyes on the prize, chopping wood and carrying water, that we miss out. We miss out on a blending of opportunities to celebrate and appreciate. Celebrate the successes we have had. Enjoy the lessons learned. Both are there in every experience if we care to look. The beginning of a new year will bring an onslaught of ways to be a "new you." While I appreciate the challenge to grow, before you kick the unwelcomed guest that has been 2020 out the door, look at how you've grown from its stay. Hopefully, you find yourself thinking you were stupid a year ago and appreciate the journey that's led you to that thought. It means you're better, and those you serve are better for it as well.
- Ben
A snippet of my answers to measuring stick questions for 2020:
*Did it reinforce something I already do/think? Yes. In many ways. An example of this was in our High Performance Educators group I recently wrote about. I already thought those of us in education could benefit from mental performance coaching. I still feel that way, thanks to everyone who participated in our group.
*Did it give me something new? Yes. Again, in many ways. As teachers, we've had to challenge ourselves to do things differently. I actually think that's been really good for me. Without going into too much detail, I've changed my approach to teaching our sport/performance psych class and how content is delivered. The latter has been through making short videos. It's challenged me to simplify, which is helpful for any of us. I'll still use elements of this new way whenever we get back to some normalcy.
*Did it make me question something I do/think? Yes. Once more, in many ways. Probably the most important that comes to mind is courtesy of some wise words from my mom. We talked about the upcoming school and sports year back in August, and I was sharing my anxiety about how we wouldn't be able to do things the ideal way. Her message was to let myself let go of ideal for the year and just do the best I can. It made me think of the legendary Dr. Ken Ravizza's, "Have a good shitty day." What she's said has really helped me through a good shitty year, and I'm grateful for the recalibration.
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